Diamond Rings, Jewellery and “Material Memories” 

I’ve been making jewellery for about 20 years now, which means that for some clients, I’ve seen them through the major ups and downs of their adult lives – I’ve designed their engagement rings and wedding bands; I’ve made push presents for the birth of their first child or grandchild; I’ve created pieces for their children’s 21st birthdays and graduations; I’ve remodelled family heirlooms  after the passing of a mother or grandmother.

We jewellery designers are in the business of milestones. We know just as well as anyone how physical objects can gain or lose meaning over the course of our emotionally turbulent lives. Memories often take material form by association – a photo that once reminded you of a happy time can turn sad or sour over time, a ring that once represented eternal love, may not shine so bright anymore.

Regardless of what your divorce was like, you’ll likely have the same pressing question on your mind as everyone else, “What should I do with my engagement ring now that I’ve divorced?”

Divorce etiquette and your jewellery: Do you need to give back your engagement ring after a divorce?

Short answer: no.

Historically, after an engagement or marriage a woman would have been considered ‘damaged goods’ so keeping your engagement ring would serve as compensation for the emotional loss of the relationship. Luckily, we’ve (somewhat) moved on from antiquated ideas of female sexuality AND still get to benefit from the whole ‘finders keepers’ rule that someone came up with back then, so win-win for us!

These days, according to an article in USA today, if an engagement is called off before you were married, especially at the request of the ring recipient, other rules may apply, especially in certain US states. However, on the whole, if you were married, the rings are yours to keep.

There might be some circumstances where you may want to give back your jewellery. For instance, if the piece was your partners’ family heirloom, it may feel strange to keep something with so much family history that is no longer your own. You might also want to open this conversation up to your ex-partner and see what they think. It’s also always generally best to consult a lawyer first on what your options are. But generally, the expectation is that it’s up to you to decide.

Should I sell my diamond engagement ring after a divorce?

This is one of the most common questions I get asked and my advice is usually the same across the board:

The resale value of your ring will rarely be anything close to what was paid for it.

From experience, resale jewellery is usually worth 20-50% of the original purchase price.  This will come from the value of the stones and possibly the metal, but often you’ll find yourself disappointed by the final offer made for your most prized possession.

In very rare occasions, such as period piece from a very well known jeweller can fetch a high price at auction, but most of us don’t have an original 1920s Cartier engagement ring.

This is why I think it’s so much better to give these pieces a new life. Your rings and jewellery from your past relationship and marriage represent part of your story. Someday you’ll have to make peace with these events from your past and remodelling your divorce diamond or engagement ring can be part of coming to terms with this and moving on.

Of course, it’s okay not to rush this decision, take your time to emotionally heal first. One of my clients had their engagement ring sitting in their jewellery box for almost 15 years before coming to see me, at my studio Militza Ortiz Jewellery. It was only now that her children are grown, her relationship with her ex has become more civil and she’s found someone new that she’s had the headspace to even begin thinking about her previous engagement ring and all the baggage that comes with it.

But when you’re ready, here are some ideas for what you can do with your engagement rings and divorce diamonds.

3 Ideas for remodelling divorce diamonds from engagement rings

1. Divorce Ring: Give it a different look

You may not have had a say on the engagement ring or wedding band that was chosen for you or even liked it very much to begin with. Start wearing your ring on your opposite hand, or resize it to your pinkie finger, and remodel it into something far removed from what it was originally set into.

• Change the colour of the metal.

  Go from silver to gold or change up the colour of the gold itself. White gold, yellow gold or rose gold are all gorgeous alternatives to what you might have had originally. Or, if you want to give it a bit of edge, add some black rhodium.

• Add coloured gemstones.

  A diamond can be quite the statement of a stone, but by adding other gemstones around it, even salt and pepper diamonds, you can counterbalance the centrepiece of the ring. For a more traditional look consider green emeralds, red rubies or blue sapphires. Or for the more daring, pair up purple amethysts or some teal, pink or orange sapphires.

• Change the geometry.

  Give the ring a different look just by altering the shape. If it was round, maybe make it square and vice versa. You’ll be surprised by how much of a difference shape can make.

 2. Give it a different use

 It could be that you don’t want a ring at all, and that’s okay. There are options for you too. Put your old stones and metal to a new use and remodel your ring into a new piece of jewellery entirely.

• Remodel the stones into a pendant.  

  A necklace can be a nice way to wear and remember this time of your life. It’s also an opportunity to come up with a new design completely from scratch in any which way that you choose.

  Related: View ring to pendant redesign

• Use the side diamonds for stud earrings.

  It could be that the side diamonds no longer fit into the new design you had in mind. Diamond studs are a classic and timeless piece that never go out of fashion.

  Related: Diamond stud earrings from a inherited heirloom

3. Give it to someone else

It might be that what the ring reminds you of is too much for you to bear, and you would like to give it away but are worried that seeing the same ring on someone else could be jarring if caught by surprise. If this is the case, I would suggest remodelling it before giving it away.

• Create something new for your children.

  Your children might be the happiest outcome you gained from your marriage. So giving them your old ring with a new twist might be the most fitting way to honour this time of your life. Maybe use the stones to fashion a new pair of earrings for your daughter and use the metal for a signet ring for your son.

• Remodel it for your child’s fiancé.

  If your children are close to the age of getting married, they might want to use your ring to propose to their partner. Give your ring a new life and allow your children to remodel it however they choose. What they come out with may even surprise you!

Are diamonds for forever?

As with any other milestone, divorce comes with its own set of emotions and as a result, its own set of material memories. Most obviously, your engagement or wedding ring. This does not mean to say that you should just get rid of the ‘material memories’ that make you angry or sad, they’re often all that may remain from these all-important stretches of time. Equally, they don’t have to become dead weight around your neck.

Having designed and remodelled countless pieces of jewellery, all I can say is that no one story is the same. Divorce comes in every shape and size. You may be able to look back and reflect on all you gained from a marriage – a desired life path or children for instance – or you may want to move on from this period of your life and never look back. Either way, remodelling your ring into something new is a chance to take control of your own narrative and write your own ending to that chapter in your life. This time, make sure to make it your own.

Militza Ortiz

Jewellery designer and maker, based in the Wimbledon, London, UK. 

Envisioning and hand crafting future heirlooms for 20 years.